its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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