So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
