just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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