you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
