im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
