I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
