I am puke
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want nice things and good sex
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
