my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
