I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
