So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
