I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
