Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
