Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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