She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
