He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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