So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
