whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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