There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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