you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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