I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
