Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
