Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
