sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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