could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
