I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
