party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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