he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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