How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
