Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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