you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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