Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
