Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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