No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
