i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
