omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
