My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
