I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
