Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
