and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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