wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I love you.
Bad choice
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