when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
how drunk are you?
Several
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
