we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
