Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
