Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Drake has all the answers
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
