Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
