he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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