I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
