You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
