You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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