if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
